Searching for an old fling on Facebook
Did you have a disagreement with your spouse that led you to look for your old girlfriend on social media, just to see how she is doing? Stop! Loving marriages can be destroyed because one spouse thought it would be harmless to find that old friend or lover. Technology brings a lot of convenience to life, but it also has its disadvantages. Being able not to deal with your problems because you can easily find someone using the Internet is not an advantage. Just like many other short-term solutions in life, including alcohol and fast food, it will not make you happy in the long run.
Misunderstands or disagreements permitted to fester
Have you ever gone to bed angry? It didn’t feel very good, did it? Disagreements are inevitable. Don’t ever let a misunderstanding or disagreement continue beyond that evening. Clear up any issues before your head hits the pillow. You may agree to take a time out in your fight or argument and keep a distance for a bit, but don’t let fights drag and turn into you and your wife avoiding each other and ceasing to communicate. This will only lead to more negative emotions and make the fight last longer. The best solution is to avoid long negative cycles, deal with things and then leave them behind you.
One person making all major decisions
It may be ‘easier’ to let one person make the decisions in the household. You know, since they make the money they should make all the decisions. Or since they are the stay-at-home spouse, they can make all the family decisions. That never works and it is only a question of time when one of the spouses is unhappy. Typically, the spouse that doesn’t make any decisions becomes unhappy about not participating enough and the spouse that does make all the decisions becomes unhappy about having too much pressure, work and responsibility. Work together with your spouse on all significant decisions.
One person controlling the finances
If only one person knows where the money is going, it is easy to abuse that privilege and squirrel away money a little bit here and there. Seemingly loving couples have ended in divorce while the spouse with financial control walks away with significant amounts of money of ‘hidden’ funds with the other spouse is completely broke.
One person paying all the bills
It is important to share the responsibility for how the money is spent. If both spouses know where that the bills and expenses are, especially in comparison to the total income, it is easier to set financial goals and avoid financial waste and unnecessary interest payments.
Be spiritual together and stay together
Much can be said about the importance of being like-minded in spiritual/religious beliefs. The family that prays together stays together. If the whole family attends the same house of worship, it is easier to be mutually accountable and willing to help. But if you’re not religious, talk about your beliefs and interests. Delve into similar studies and exploration.
Looking for members of the opposite sex ‘just to talk to’
Any time a spouse looks for someone of the opposite sex ‘just to talk’, it is an invitation for a disaster. If this continues, the spouse will find someone he or she can relate to better on some level than to his or her own spouse. Perhaps they seek the other’s counsel on dealing with their spouse. Next thing they know, divorce happens. Stop the cycle before it starts.
Handling finances completely separately
Some people think that if they handle their finances on their own, somehow it will help their marriage. They might justify it by saying that they want to surprise the other from time to time, but with no control of their money, they can’t surprise the spouse. Not so. Simply agree to an ‘allowance’ for both of you and save it when you can for that special surprise. You can even have your own accounts, but having an account with your savings and allowance is very different from being completely financially independent.
Hiding money here and there
Large sums of money can be accumulated a little bit at a time. That’s all well and good for a big surprise, like going to a concert or family vacation. But it is not so good if the person hiding the money decides that they want to get divorced. Don’t let money tempt you and don’t let it tempt your spouse.
Lack of trust
If you get to the point of not being able to trust your spouse completely, that is an urgency that needs to be repaired. It cannot be ignored. Communicate with your spouse. If you can’t solve the issue on your own, seek help.