Most men think kissing is overrated, and deem it as an appetizer before the main course. To them, it is something they have to do to get to the main part.
This is not how women see kissing. Women do not get aroused in the way men do. Men can be compared to a switch that goes on and off. One second it’s off and then you see your wife dressed in sexy clothes and it’s on.
This is not how arousal works for women. Women’s emotions are much more complex. The fact that a woman is feeling sexy or is getting aroused doesn’t mean it’s on. This is something a lot of men struggle with because they don’t understand it. For them, attraction is binary. It’s a yes or a no. Women can feel a lot of emotions and they can even have emotions about emotions.
This is one of the reasons why it takes time for a woman to get into the mood. If men are like an on/off switch, women are like a big volume knob that you can see on expensive stereo systems. Even if you want to turn the volume up all the way, you will still have to go from left to right and it will take time.
Women get turned on slowly. Also, their arousal may go up, then a bit down, then up again. For women, arousal is a lot about foreplay and fantasies and imagination.
When it comes to foreplay, kissing is an important part of it. For women, kissing is a sign that you are. When you kiss your wife, you show her that she is important to you.
Most men rush through kissing too quickly, without letting a woman know how important she is to them. What you want to do is the complete opposite. Slow down five-ten times. Yes, five-ten times, that much.
Set the mood for the kiss
It might seem impossible but even after years of marriage and thousands of kisses, you can still set the mood to kiss her like it’s the first time.
You can kiss her dozens of times during the day but in order to give her a memorable kiss (the first-time kind of kiss), you have to make sure she’s ready for it, just like she was the first time. While kissing itself is a foreplay to sex, you can’t just jump right into it. To help her get there, caress the erogenous PG-rated parts of her body: her hair, shoulders, elbow pits, the skin between her fingers (yes, it’s erogenous). Try these moves for a while. If she doesn’t show interest, just leave it for another time.
Also, keep in mind that simple gestures like holding her hand or putting your arm around her shoulder have a powerful psychological effect that triggers the release of oxytocin, the love hormone. Make sure you do at least some of these moves before going for that passionate kiss.
Go for it slowly
You might have seen it in dozens of movie scenes. The guy just pulls the girl’s head and sticks his tongue down her throat. It might work in some cases, but the safer and often more exciting way to go for it is the exact opposite. After applying the above-mentioned techniques, slowly move your face towards hers and watch as she relaxes and slightly opens her lips. Then kiss her.
Not too soft, not too rough
While the romantic/psychological part of the kiss is very important, you don’t want to leave aside the physical part of it. One of the mistakes many guys make is going too rough on the way they move their lips when kissing their lady. You are a guy and you want to show it her, and that’s fine. But you also want to let her know how much you care about her in your kissing. Keeping a balance between the two is key. Just keep in mind: your lips should be softer than what your instincts tell you.
Follow her lead
You took the initiative and went for the first move. Now it’s time to let her decide how fast she wants to go. If there is one thing women hate about how certain men kiss is that they jam their tongue into their mouth before they are ready. You’ll have plenty of time to show your dominant side but for now, follow her lead and mirror her moves: wait till she shows you some tongue action, then give it to her.
Don’t lose focus
If you want to make her feel like it’s the first time, you have to act as if it actually were your first kiss. And if it were, would you be paying attention to some random movie you were watching before the action started? Or would you be worried about how bad your work week was? Absolutely not. Your main and only focus should be your beautiful wife and how good it feels to kiss her. If anything else crosses your mind, discard it immediately.
Kiss her all around
Having kissed her on the lips like a first-time lover, pull away from them and kiss her on other hotspots. Start by her cheeks and her chin. Then go on to her ears, blow your breath on them and don’t be shy with your tongue on them. Go down to her neck, her shoulders and her upper chest (don’t go for her breasts just yet, there’s a time for that and it’s not now). After this little kissing tour, go back to her lips and kiss her deeply and passionately. Vary the spots where you kiss her but set her lips as your main focus and always go back to them.