Have you ever heard the “Bean Jar” theory of married sex?
Before you get married, go out and buy a big glass jar and a big bag of beans.
On your wedding night, during your honeymoon, and every time you have sex thereafter, put one of the beans in the jar.
Keep doing this until you’ve been married for one year.
Now, in your second year of marriage and in every subsequent year: each time that you and your spouse have sex, you are to remove one bean from the jar.
The jar will never be empty in your lifetime.
Aside from the dubious mathematics and outdated exclusion of sex-out-of-wedlock, it was “theories” like this that scared the h*ll out of me before I got married. They still do, to some extent. Sexual attraction, after all, was a large reason behind why I started dating my partner in the first place. I’d heard stories (true life ones) about people who felt like their marriage had progressed to “just friends” or was more akin to that of siblings or business partners than lovers. That really alarmed me. Is it possible to sustain the spark of sexual chemistry over years, over decades?
I’m here to tell you that… I don’t know.